Drunk guy gets pulled over. Officer starts doing sobriety tests on him. The final test the officer says “if you can pass this last test I will let u go… use the words green pink and yellow in 1 sentence.”

So the drunk man replies “My phone went green and I pinked it up and said yellow.

Have a nice day officer!”

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”

The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic.

If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”

“Okay, fine.” Sighs the office. “I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.” “I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac.” Says the man.

“If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”

“Well, then we need a urine sample.”

“I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I’ll get really low blood sugar.”

“Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.”

“I can’t do that, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m too drunk.”

A police officer responded to a report of a disturbance at a downtown restaurant.

The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. The giant boasted that he could whip the officer and the Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World. “I bet that you’re also an escape artist, probably better than Houdini,” said the policeman.

The giant nodded. “If I had some chains,” the officer continued, “you could show us how strong you really are. But all I’ve got is a set of handcuffs.

Why don’t we see just how quickly you can break out of them?”

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. “I can’t get out of these,” the giant growled. “Are you sure?” the officer asked.

The fellow tried again. “Nope,” he replied. “I can’t do it.”

“In that case,” said the officer, “you’re under arrest.”